Sometimes you just need to find a kitten, a kitchen chair, and cry.
There days when I just want to curl up into a ball. Where bed seems like the logical answer and reruns of TV shows are calling my name.
The days where despite running a successful teacher training this morning and seeing good progress with my students, I still lack motivation to invest in my job here.
The days I have to suck down the snarky comments to any and all things culturally different and of frustration.
The days when try as you may to continue eating and drinking normally, you can feel the parasites latching themselves onto your intestinal walls, sucking the weight off you and the life out of you.
There are days when you sick of arguing with your doctors that no, it is not IBS again, but yes, there really are creatures living me. Yes, I’d be happy to do the lab test to prove it.
These are the days I miss my mountains, my coffee shops, my friends and family. I miss walking Greenlake with Annie and lazy evenings on the couch at Drea’s.
The days I miss hot showers and convenience. And Target clearance racks. And being able to decorate a cozy little apartment. Mostly just being in control of my living situation, period.
These are the non-glory-days of the Peace Corps.
They told us when we were first in training that we might hit a ‘one-year slump’. I tucked that info into the back of my mind, but didn’t think about it again until May of this year. In May, I felt like I had hit that ever-mysterious ‘slump’.
It was two weeks of feeling un-motivated. Frustrated. Exhausted. And let’s be honest: these feelings are normal for a PCV, pretty much on a daily basis. But these two weeks were these feelings on crack. Amplified. All-consuming.
Two weeks of questioning what the heck I was doing here and if it was worth it to stay. Two weeks of making myself leave the house everyday, making myself continue going to work, doing my job, investing in relationships. It was hard.
But it passed.
Life got good again.
And then it hit again.
This week marks one year here in my site. One year.
In some ways it seems like it has gone by quickly, in other ways I feel like a turtle, just crawling along inch by inch.
A lot has happened in the last year. Lots of changes. Lots of illnesses. Lots of little victories. Lots of lots.
I love keeping track of numbers, so here is a little count of my life in the past year:
46: books read
4: jigsaw puzzles completed
500+: bus rides
9: parasites I have diagnosed with
4: bacterial infections.
3: rounds of amoebas
3: rounds of food poisoning/random stomach illnesses
600+: students worked with
1: police report filed
3: security incidents reported to Peace Corps
6,000+: photos taken
Maybe it’s just a bad day(s). Maybe it is having been really sick all of the last week. Maybe it is the dreaded slump. Whatever it is, I’m ready for it to be over.
So there we go. Just keeping honest down here in the these parts of Slumpsville, Central America.
On my radar for the coming days: go to the beach, camp on top of a volcano, splurge on some good coffee, and keep on keeping on.
Here’s to letting Nicaragua do its thing in me and being open to it as it comes.